Want to be pregnant, but aren’t?

Read on for:

1. How to know you may have an infertility problem
2. what you can do when you learn you are infertile
3. where to go for help

Almost every couple believes that they can have kids “when the time is right”.
You make hazy plans of exactly when that time will be. Meanwhile you pursue your careers, you wait until you achieve your professional goals, stability, or balance. Or perhaps you want to be better financially prepared for that second child. Then you decide, “We’re ready to have our baby,” and throw away your birth control pills in excitement. And this should be how it works, right?

In an ideal world?- Right.
But we don’t live in an ideal world. YOU know this because after 3 months, 6 months, or more of checking pregnancy sticks, of hoping your period will be late this month, a sure sign you’re pregnant “this time”, depressed and disappointed you’re still not getting pregnant.

When to Look for Help

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) defines infertility as a situation in which-

• you have been trying to have a baby for a year and have not become pregnant
• you have regular, unprotected intercourse with your spouse;
• both of you are free from disease;
• you are under the age of 35.

or,

• you have been trying to have a baby for six months and have not become pregnant;
• you have regular, unprotected intercourse with your spouse;
• both of you are free from disease;
• you are over the age of 35.

When your alarm bells start ringing, you don’t have to complete a waiting period of six month before you visit a doctor.

To realize that you can’t be pregnant “on demand” can turn your world upside down. It is easy to sink into despair but you are not alone. As you read this one in six couples in the United States is dealing with infertility. And America is not the exception.

Grappling with the “Why Me?!” factor and emotional turmoil of what infertility will do to you, your relationships with family, friends and your marriage, can prevent you from seeing that infertility doesn’t have be the end of your dream. It means having a child is not going to be the slam-dunk affair you thought it would be, and you’ll have to work that much harder.

When it Takes 3 to Make a Baby (Me, my Spouse and ART)

10 percent of American couples today are coping with infertility. Like them you don’t have to deal with it alone. Now more than ever before there is real help for you and your spouse. So what can you do?

• Be a participant in your reproductive care: Arm yourself with information- you will feel less out of control. Get involved in your treatment. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Learn what kinds of treatments there are. Infertility falls into many categories. Your specific problem will decide what kind of help you will need.
• Find out what you are getting yourself into financially: Insurance companies can be tricky in what does and does not fall within the reproductive treatments they can cover. Find out if your insurance plan will cover the necessary costs, and plan for how you will make up the extra. This may also direct what kind of treatment plan you decide to pursue.
• Have realistic expectations: Among typically fertile women the likelihood of getting pregnant is 1 in 5 in any given month. Fertility treatment can bring you a step closer to your happy ending, but it’s not your fairy godmother. These treatments are not always the “wonder” treatments they are hyped to be. There’s no reason why they won’t work for you but you may not get instant results. Don’t be afraid to hope. You can have your head in the clouds but keep your feet solidly pitched on terra firma.
• Join a support group: What you have to go through will take a lot out of you emotionally and physically. Family and friends will try their best to support you, but finding others who are going through the same things you are right now, and can encourage you when it all gets too much can make all the difference between suffering in silence, or suffering and smiling.

Where to go for Help

1. The best place to start is your family doctor or obstetrician-gynecologist. (S)he can begin the initial tests and give you a fair idea of what your facing. If your case requires specialist knowledge ask your ob/gyn to link you with a reproductive endocrinologist or specialist trained in treating infertility conditions.
   If you don’t have a doctor, check with your local county medical society or the American Society of Reproductive Medicine for a list of doctors in your area.
2. Special Groups or Organizations: Certain organizations such as RESOLVE provide excellent resources for those dealing with infertility. These include support groups, educational materials and information about doctors in your area that treat infertility.
3. Get in touch with fertility clinics: Find out what services they offer but don’t be seduced by reported high success rates. This may be based on treating less serious cases or women/men under 35. Some of these clinics operate for profit and its important to them to give a good picture. Others may perform a lot of unnecessary tests because of their need to collect research data, so make sure you do your research in advance.

Don’t be a victim anymore. Don’t stay guilty for having waited, and don’t give up. Infertility is not a life-sentence. You don’t have to stop dreaming, just keep in mind that you may have to exchange one fairytale ending for another.